And I love the idea of gender-neutral baby gifts, and the idea of being surprised about the sex of one’s baby. I do not plan on becoming a mother, but it’s great nonetheless.

P.S. I love the new look of your blog!

It’s ok if you want to be a feminist stay-at-home mum. It is possible. As long as you are the one choosing this lifestyle and you are revolutionary at what you do. Say, if you homeschool your kids and you tell them about civil rights and discrimination, and you teach them to be great human beings who love and respect all kinds of people.

If I ever get pregnant and have children (I may start thinking about it after finishing a Master’s degree), they will wear clothes from all colours of the rainbow, and their things will be decorated with animals and nature, unless they told me they liked ballet and rugby (no matter the kids’ genders). And if my boy wants to wear pink, rock on!

And Rachel Moss sucks indeed. I hope she gets refused her PhD application EVERYWHERE because of this. She will wish the death threats were real.

however, i wanted to add this about the baby shower stuff.

my partner and i *did* want to know, but we decided not to tell anyone else to avoid insane gendering. that worked for about two weeks. then we told people but made them PROMISE to not gender the baby — in gifts, words, deeds, etc. and we specifically prohibited pastels generally, pink specifically, and girly patterns. that worked out pretty well, except for my partner’s mom who, when unsupervised, gave us, yes, pink dresses.

my partner has taken to telling people: “It’s a tomboy!” or “It’s a baby butch!” while we know full well that she will be what she wants to be, and we have no intention of trying to make her into a tomboy or a baby butch, we think that’s no more inappropriate than trying to make every little girl into a femme princess.

… and another thing. i was infuriated that the cool science-y things are “coded” male: stars & planets & rocketships are filed under “boy”! so annoying.

… anyway, one helpful thing: As you discovered, by going to eco-friendly gifts, you can avoid a lot of the awful, awful gendering that babies’r'us etc. foists on people. there are often “natural” colors and a generally more progressive sensibility.

But here’s where my anxiety comes in. What if your partner leaves you? Has an accident and can no longer work the same job to support you? Dies? Presents themself as a danger to you or your children? Decides to become a monk and forego all wordly things? The possibilities are endless, and difficult to plan for.

You are left with no job experience to get a job to support yourself and your family (even if you have a college degree it is really really hard. Ask any recent graduate). No credit to get a car, or even a credit card for groceries. If your partner died, hopefully there was life insurance that will pay for the funeral.

My problem with stay at home parenting so young is that it makes you dependent on someone else. Whether it’s your partner to support the family or your parents if it falls apart, it makes it nearly impossible to be independent. I don’t think people really consider what could happen in that way, normally it’s “Oh, teh babies!”

Kacie, do you have stairs in your house?

I feel like I should say more, but, I can’t get past that word. It gives me the shivers.