Right, so these two topics have NOTHING to do with each other, but I am too damn busy to make two separate posts.
Anyway, yesterday I attended a baby shower for a friend of mine who I have known since 8th grade. I call her Pineapples (long story) and she has been married for about three years now. Anyway, her baby boy is expected in July, and since she has moved to Florida, she traveled up here for her shower. I think I was the only person out of like the 30 guests who gave her a gift that was not blue and plastered with either baseballs or trucks. I gave her cloth diapers (which she registered for) Seventh Generation Baby wipes, and an adorable onesie made of organic cotton that said “Green is the new Black” with an embroidery of the world on it. Now, I am not pushing any of my crazy hippie ideas on her; in fact, she is crazy about living green: she grows her own food, recycles like crazy, plans on breastfeeding until her kid is three, and pumping after he is weened to donate the breast milk. Sadly, most of her friends and family think she’s a little kooky, wanting a mid-wife and water birth and all that. I think it’s beautiful. I know I used to not really want kids, but I know I want to give birth to at least one. Probably adopt a second. Pineapples used to make me a little crazy in high school because all she wanted to be when she grew up was a stay-at-home mom, despite having a huge amount of intelligence and the ability to be whatever she wanted. I have since realized something: feminism isn’t JUST about getting out and having a job. It’s about, as a woman, CHOOSING to do what you WANT to do. Furthermore, I think birthing and motherhood can be very empowering. It is something only women can do, and it is a beautiful thing. As a feminist, I have never wanted to dis on motherhood, birth, or parenting in general. In fact, I think moms need MORE support, not less. Bah.
Really, though, when (and if) I am ever preggers I will REFUSE to know the sex of my baby before it is born. I just don’t want my future child to be heavily gendered before it is even out of the womb! Fuck it! My banners at my shower can read “It’s a ?” or “It’s a human!” or something. I can have a nice, gender neutral nursery in browns and greens. Animals and nature will be ok themes. No sports, no princesses, no pink and no blue.
Ok. Onto Rachel Moss. If you read any other feminist blogs, you will know the story, but I will give the rundown anyway. Rachel Moss is a bigoted, hate-filled, racist, sexist, sizest, real-life troll. She went to Wiscon, a science fiction convention that is feminist friends. She went with the intent of taking pictures of teh fattiez and making fun of them on Something Awful. Well, it made it onto SASS, a forum even more crass than Something Awful. Really, it’s disgusting. It’s full of racial and sexist slurs, including from Ms. Moss herself. And while I have since read that she suffers from bulimia, and therefore feel sorry for her and sort of understand where some of her hatred comes, I have a hard time feeling sorry for her getting in trouble with her bosses over it. Serves the little monster right. Guess what, kiddo? You write something on the internet, ANYONE CAN SEE IT. If you don’t want to get yourself in trouble, don’t do it. I hope she gets fired. I hope she gets kicked out of her grad program.
Further reading at Angry Black Woman and The F-Word.
Finally, I leave tomorrow (again!) for Induction in NC. I will most likely have internet up there, but if not, the latest I will be back is Sunday. No madness really broke out last time, and I thank you guys for that. Keep up the awesome work!
6 comments
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June 3, 2008 at 4:29 am
D
I just have to say this: “Preggers” is quite possibly one of the most ugly words in accepted American English. Seriously. Ewwww. It gives me creepy goosebumps, and I don’t know why.
I feel like I should say more, but, I can’t get past that word. It gives me the shivers.
June 3, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Sarah
I am really concerned for young people who are becoming stay-at-home parents. Let’s define these “young people” as late teens and early to mid twenties. Some of these people have never had a serious job (meaning full-time, pays the bills without help from parents), a credit card of their own, never had to pay bills, and basically have no experience being an independent adult. They get married right out of college or while still in college and decide that they are going to just stay at home. I am not saying that parenting is not a hard job (if I have a family I hope that we are in the financial situation that would make one parent staying home feasible), but there are life experiences and skills that come through having a more structured job.
But here’s where my anxiety comes in. What if your partner leaves you? Has an accident and can no longer work the same job to support you? Dies? Presents themself as a danger to you or your children? Decides to become a monk and forego all wordly things? The possibilities are endless, and difficult to plan for.
You are left with no job experience to get a job to support yourself and your family (even if you have a college degree it is really really hard. Ask any recent graduate). No credit to get a car, or even a credit card for groceries. If your partner died, hopefully there was life insurance that will pay for the funeral.
My problem with stay at home parenting so young is that it makes you dependent on someone else. Whether it’s your partner to support the family or your parents if it falls apart, it makes it nearly impossible to be independent. I don’t think people really consider what could happen in that way, normally it’s “Oh, teh babies!”
Kacie, do you have stairs in your house?
June 5, 2008 at 4:45 pm
lquilter
found my way here via the non-baby shower topic. about which i have nothing more to say.
however, i wanted to add this about the baby shower stuff.
my partner and i *did* want to know, but we decided not to tell anyone else to avoid insane gendering. that worked for about two weeks. then we told people but made them PROMISE to not gender the baby — in gifts, words, deeds, etc. and we specifically prohibited pastels generally, pink specifically, and girly patterns. that worked out pretty well, except for my partner’s mom who, when unsupervised, gave us, yes, pink dresses.
my partner has taken to telling people: “It’s a tomboy!” or “It’s a baby butch!” while we know full well that she will be what she wants to be, and we have no intention of trying to make her into a tomboy or a baby butch, we think that’s no more inappropriate than trying to make every little girl into a femme princess.
… and another thing. i was infuriated that the cool science-y things are “coded” male: stars & planets & rocketships are filed under “boy”! so annoying.
… anyway, one helpful thing: As you discovered, by going to eco-friendly gifts, you can avoid a lot of the awful, awful gendering that babies’r'us etc. foists on people. there are often “natural” colors and a generally more progressive sensibility.
June 6, 2008 at 6:29 am
cyn
I agree with Sarah on people who marry too young. Every time a classmate from Uni gets married or gets engaged ages before being done with her studies, I feel like sending her a funeral crown of flowers to her house. And it’s so horribly common in my “upperclass”, Catholic university. You just stumble through so much contradiction it’s scary. You can’t say they chose to get married or accept the diamond ring or lose their virginity on their wedding night. It’s mostly peer pressure, and people telling you how to live your life.
It’s ok if you want to be a feminist stay-at-home mum. It is possible. As long as you are the one choosing this lifestyle and you are revolutionary at what you do. Say, if you homeschool your kids and you tell them about civil rights and discrimination, and you teach them to be great human beings who love and respect all kinds of people.
If I ever get pregnant and have children (I may start thinking about it after finishing a Master’s degree), they will wear clothes from all colours of the rainbow, and their things will be decorated with animals and nature, unless they told me they liked ballet and rugby (no matter the kids’ genders). And if my boy wants to wear pink, rock on!
And Rachel Moss sucks indeed. I hope she gets refused her PhD application EVERYWHERE because of this. She will wish the death threats were real.
June 7, 2008 at 3:28 am
goingtomontreal
Why yes Sarah I do have stairs in my house. Why?
June 8, 2008 at 1:07 am
Amelia
Oh wow. I’m kind of horrified.
The feminist group at my school is called SASS (Students Against Sexism in Society). What an unflattering similarity…
I hadn’t heard of Rachel Moss until just now.
And I love the idea of gender-neutral baby gifts, and the idea of being surprised about the sex of one’s baby. I do not plan on becoming a mother, but it’s great nonetheless.
P.S. I love the new look of your blog!