Welcome to my favorite double-bind:
“If you were hot, you wouldn’t be bitching about women’s rights.”
“If you have confidence in your looks, you are a hypocrite!!!”
Few things grind my gears more than when a man tries to insult a feminist by calling her ugly (or fat) but when there are actually young, attractive girls fighting for women’s rights, they aren’t “real” feminists.
So which is it boys? Am I an obese, frumpy, hairy dog-faced skank (a) or a ditzy, shallow, air-headed hypocrite? (b)
(a) 
OR (b) 
???*
In reality, this insult is nothing short of CONTROL. By trying to tell a woman she is ugly or fat (or a lesbian even) is trying to strip her of her assumed “use” in a patriarch–that use is her sexual worth in the eyes of men. So, if she is indeed fat or ugly or a lesbian, she is officially unfit for men to use, and therefore a worthless person. When men call feminists unattractive (or any qualities that might allude to a lack of an acceptable physical state which qualifications are set forth by the patriarchy: ie. hairy, braless, manly, and so on…) they are trying to strp her of the only power they perceive her to have–sexual. When she is ugly, she is powerless.
In the same vein, by calling a feminist who classifies herself as attractive or dares to have the confidence to love, care for, or even accept her body a hypocrite is trying to beat us at our own “game”. They are using bad argument tactics and attempting to classify women instead of letting us classify ourselves. While it is a different path, it is in the same direction: trying to make women feel powerless.
Really, I think you can be a feminist and still love your lipgloss (which is poppin’ I might add) and your stilettos and your expensive hair products. I love those things, but at the same time, I realize they are a tool by the sexist media to make us spend money. And I think you can be ugly, hairy, fat, or even (gasp!) a lesbian and be a FULL FUCKING PERSON. Our worth is not determined by how sexually useful we are to straight men.
*the answer, my friends, is BOTH!!!! Ha.
15 comments
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May 17, 2008 at 2:42 am
Red Queen
shiny red lip gloss- check
towering stilettos- check
fiery feminist fury- check.
Not an either or problem.
May 17, 2008 at 4:15 pm
petiteyogini
Well said!
May 17, 2008 at 6:59 pm
earlgreyrooibos
It never fails to surprise me when someone uses appearance to evaluate one’s feminist (or non-feminist) status. I’ve never heard of someone judging another’s atheism, religious views, or other philosophical views on the basis of their looks. I guess it’s because feminism is about women, and women do really have that “possession” status. How depressing.
May 17, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Lindsay
I was thinking all of these things while reading that thread (and many, many others) but you said it better than I could. What I look like doesn’t make a difference. And if I say that I think I’m attractive, then it’s conceit or vanity. The looks of the people say these things never comes up, just the looks of women. As usual.
May 19, 2008 at 12:06 am
lindabeth
In reality, this insult is nothing short of CONTROL. By trying to tell a woman she is ugly or fat (or a lesbian even) is trying to strip her of her assumed “use” in a patriarch–that use is her sexual worth in the eyes of men.
Word.
Great post.
May 19, 2008 at 3:30 am
Kelsey Jarboe
Holla, amen, etc!
May 20, 2008 at 1:57 am
Kismet
My lip gloss is definitely poppin…awesome post.
May 20, 2008 at 7:47 pm
MzStilletto
Wow.
Like, just wow.
You know what? I love your blog. You’re awesome.
May 21, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Being Amber Rhea » Blog Archive » links for 2008-05-21
[...] All feminists are ugly hags or stuck-up posers!!! « Dirty Rotten Feminist “So which is it boys? Am I an obese, frumpy, hairy dog-faced skank (a) or a ditzy, shallow, air-headed hypocrite? (b)” (tags: doublestandard feminism assholes sexism bullshit) [...]
May 25, 2008 at 9:44 pm
PhysioProf
Came here via Jaded Hippy’s link. I think you are exactly right about this. I was at a scientific conference once where a plenary speaker made a joke in front of an audience of about 500 people that with the punchline, “science is like a whore”. I tried to explain to those of my male colleagues who didn’t get how horrible this was for our female colleagues that it was tantamount to telling all of the women scientists in the room that there only value is as fuckable objects for men.
May 25, 2008 at 11:05 pm
goingtomontreal
That is ridiculous. And everyone wonders why there aren’t enough women in the scientific fields: they are made to feel unwelcome. Bah! Disgusting.
June 4, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Jenn
Brilliant!
I’m gonna have to point some folks in the direction of this post and blog asap!!
August 17, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Using bad language «
[...] relationship status or weight or even my blog layout than they would MY ACTUAL IDEAS OR OPINIONS. It’s just like when someone tries to call feminists ugly or hairy or lesbians. It is, ladies and gentlemen, an attempt to try and control us and our message. When you are [...]
December 16, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Polli
When men call feminists unattractive (or any qualities that might allude to a lack of an acceptable physical state which qualifications are set forth by the patriarchy: ie. hairy, braless, manly, and so on…) they are trying to strp her of the only power they perceive her to have–sexual. When she is ugly, she is powerless.
I couldnt say it better! But I also have to say that the feeling of being “useless” and ugly can also make a woman feminist. A woman who realises that we get judged by our looks on the first site and who goes through bad experiences being postmarked as ” ugly” and not ” fuckable” becomes more reasons to become a feminist. If a woman is attraktive for men in the conventional patriarchal way – sexy, cute, hot and so on, she doesnt really care a lot of being powerless. Many women think that beauty is the biggest power we can have. So good looking women maybe feel comfotable in the old patriarchal way. Thats why a lot of feminists arent really good looking))
December 16, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Polli
My english is bad, Im sorry. Hope you can read the whole stuff I wrote)). In short words: many feminists arent good looking or sexy in the conventional way and dont get the attention that may be one reason WHY they begin to analyze those things and become feminists.