While debating a bit about abortion and the oh-so-smart The Pill Kills campaign with some of my family last night, a few things occur to me that many…well I will just say it…MEN do not understand about reproductive freedom.

1. Adoption is not an alternative to pregnancy and childbirth. It is an alternative to motherhood, yes. But you still have the carry the thing to term and give birth to it. You still have to deal with the costs and physical aspects involved. Also, the adoption system is NOT PERFECT. There are millions of unwanted babies and children being shuffled through the system as we speak. Yes, plenty of infertile couples want babies, blah blah blah. But guess what? Most people who can afford to adopt babies are WHITE and they do not want babies of color. There is very little demand for black and latino infants. And, we have to face the facts, folks, people of color have plenty of unwanted pregnancies too. If we take the right of abortion away, while some of the more privileged classes, namely white, affluent folks, can get off to Europe and buy and expensive, hush-hush abortion, the rest of poor America (both white and people of color) are just shit outta luck. Yes–giving up an unwanted baby for adoption may be the right choice for some women, but it should not be THE ONLY CHOICE.
2. I don’t care how many men say they would never leave their pregnant girlfriend and they would step up and do the right thing, until you are looking down the barrel of the gun, you have NO IDEA what you would do. And, unfortunately, no matter how much lip service men pay to the “stepping up” mantra, the sad sad fact is that men will always have to choice of leaving an unwanted pregnancy. Women will not.
3. Nothing makes me madder than the whole “you should have thought about choice when you had sex.” First of all, SEX IS A HUMAN RIGHT THAT SHOULD BE ENJOYED BY ALL CONSENTING ADULTS. Let’s clear that up right now. Almost everyone has sex. And not only to procreate. Secondly, while I do not think that every time a penis enters a vagina it is rape, I am under no delusions about heterosexual sexual relationships in our society: when you live in a sexist society, as a pattern, men hold the upper-hand when it comes to having sex and women can be very much coerced and wheedled into engaging in sex. So, the whole thing about choice and consequences–the jury is still out on this one.
4. And finally: the same logic that if we make the choice to have sex, and one consequence is a baby that we MUST carry to full term and give birth too–does that same logic apply to STIs and STDs? After all, you made the choice to have sex. Should we deny care and treatment to people who have HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes, or HPV? I mean, by killing the virus or bacteria, we are surely ending the life of that organism.

The point is, I agree that abortion should not be illegal, but unnecessary. Yet we are not at that point yet. And even if we were, I do not want an option completely ruled out. it boils down to this: it’s my goddamned body and I should choose what I do with it. And if you don’t like it, then tough shit.