A troll, whose comments I will not be approving, tried to tell me that “MEN are the oppressed class in the great majority of "domestic violence" cases."
Let that sink in for a moment. Laugh, if it will make you feel at least a bit better that there are people who actually think this out there. I know it did me.
I was not going to address his whole diatribe of hatred, but after a long talk with a good friend of mine last night who works with Project SAFE and is involved with domestic violence cases, oh, every day, I felt that this could not go ignored. I mean, said friend has new horror story every day–a woman set on fire by her ex, a man chasing his girlfriend around with a knife, women dying at the hands of their so-called loved ones.
First off, I would like to know what is meant by “oppression” in this sense. Now, I have understood the word, from which I have had done numerous readings in both race and gender studies contexts, the most helpful being Marilyn Frye’s “Oppression”, to mean the systematic denial of rights of the less-powered class to the powerful class. This would mean along the lines of sex, race, class, religion, etc etc. Dictionary.com (hey! I packed my Webster’s up a while ago and sent it home since I’m moving out!) offers a more broad definition:
| 1. | the exercise of authority or power in a burdensome, cruel, or unjust manner. |
| 2. | an act or instance of oppressing. |
| 3. | the state of being oppressed. |
| 4. | the feeling of being heavily burdened, mentally or physically, by troubles, adverse conditions, anxiety, etc. |
So, if we take this definition, how can it be applied to men in domestic violence cases? The troll directed me to an article by Cathy Young about how men are punished unfairly by the court systems in domestic violence cases. Since we live in a sexist society, men cannot be oppressed based on their gender. But they can be treated unfairly or otherwise abused…so I won’t discount that when examining this issue. Now, first of all, to understand this, we have to look at the No Tolerance policy when it comes to domestic violence. Obviously, there is a reason why it has come to this–could it be that in 1998, the same time this article was written, 31% of American women “report[ed] being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives”? That probably had something to do with it…yeah. So, to recap, so all the trolls can keep up: yes, some men have been caught up wrongfully in the justice system when it comes to domestic violence, but that is because of an overall trend in domestic violence that needs to be addressed. I will agree with the trolls that this system DOES NOT WORK. But not because a few men fell through the cracks and had to attend a $400 anti-battering class…though that’s not really fair exactly, either…. My main beef with the current handling of domestic violence cases is IT DOES NOT WORK. I guess while they are busy punishing all those “innocent” menz (ya know, I just smacked her around, it wasn’t like I beat he senseless or anything!) they aren’t actually addressing the problem. I mean, 54% of women killed by a stalker (which is usually an ex-lover) actually had reported their stalkers’ actions to the police and 25% had restraining orders. THAT IS OVER HALF. So, I guess, the police aren’t doing a bang-up job, now, huh?
Next, we have to look more closely at the pattern of marriage and heterosexual relationships to fully understand the implications of domestic abuse. Young’s article mentions a 1996 case involving “…Seattle City Councilman John Manning, who came home one day and was shocked to find his wife loading her things into a truck, was charged with assault for grabbing her shoulders and sitting her down on the tailgate (causing no injuries)….” So while there were no physical injuries, this issue of control really upsets me. He didn’t want her to leave him, so he physically forced her into a seated position. But there were no injuries, so it was ok!!!!
No. It’s not ok. It is not ok to manhandle another human, ESPECIALLY one you are supposed to be in a loving relationship with. But somehow excusing it since there were no injuries is complete bullshit if you ask me. Like I said, we have to look at the whole big picture of romantic relationships between men and women and the power structure within them. And for the trolls: that is not to say EVERY MAN TRIES TO CONTROL HIS LOVER OR A WOMAN NEVER TRIES TO CONTROL HIS. But, from what I hear from my friends and such, this is subtle problem that seems to be more perpetuated by stereotypes about masculinity.
84% of domestic abuse victims are female… Male victims are usually no the victims of Intimacy Terrorism–rather, they fall victim to the kind of situational violence where both parties are involved. (This is still a problem…but it still does not really fall into the “men are oppressed” argument.) Women who are abused, however, are victims of Intimacy Terrorism, where their husband or boyfriend is controlling, abusive both emotionally and physically, and then withholds resources so the woman really has no way to leave. Women and children are the main victims of Intimacy Terrorism, and men are the perpetrators. Again, for the trolls: NOT EVERY MAN IS AN INTIMACY TERRORIST!!! If you want to read more about it, check it out here. And there is even a link for info on abuse against men! Again, it happens, but the trend is mostly against women. And since women are the oppressed gender, we are the ones whose victimization in domestic violence cases is more assuredly caused by culture-wide issues in gender.
Women are five-to-eight times more likely than men to be the victims of domestic abuse.
How can anyone try to argue that men are more oppressed in this situation? Yes, there are problems IN THE JUSTICE SYSTEM which is run predominantly by (gasp!) men. So women are not oppressing men in this case. Rather, the system is flawed. It is failing the women it is meant to protect, it has been punishing the wrong people, and since Americans like to rely on it to solve problems like this, it doesn’t allow for the actual causes of the problems to be addressed–problems in our sex and gender roles, institutional problems with marriage, and the social equality of women.
3 comments
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May 10, 2008 at 1:32 am
Angelia Sparrow
According to the CDC, the abuse rate for gay male relationships is also about 1 in 3.
So, apparently, if you’re in a relationship with a man, the odds (regardless of your gender) are 1 in 3 that he will abuse you.
Let’s be very blunt. The average woman is 5′4″, and weighs 130. The average man is 5′9″ and weighs about 170. He has 30% more upper body strength. Add in the psychological warfare that usually goes with the abuse: cutting her off from friends and family, destroying self-esteem and convincing her she’s worthless (essentially externalizing all the messages she’s internalized), and you have a man with all the advantages and a woman who thinks she deserves what she gets.
So don’t give me “oh the menz are sooooo victimized,” guys. The basic picture is absolutely against you.
May 11, 2008 at 8:22 pm
John Dias
There is ample evidence that domestic violence is far more complex than you have presented here. Contrary to the Canadian government statistic of 84 percent female victims and 16 percent male, the U.S. government says that male victims are 38 percent in terms of injuries (CDC). A 2007 study by U.S. Centers for Disease Control Researchers (PDF) revealed that in relationships where domestic violence is one-way, over 70 percent of the time it was from the woman beating on the man. This contradicts your assertion that when women are abusive, it’s primarily in relationships where abuse is reciprocal. The fact is that women abuse men thinking that it is their prerogative, men take it because it would be shameful to complain about it, and a few men get fed up with it and completely pulverize a woman one day when their rage has culminated following an extended period of victimization.
In my state, California, there is data that show that police are becoming more aware over the years of the hidden and subtle abuse that women have gotten away with. Arrest rates for domestic violence (Excel) show a trend over the last 23 years with increasing arrest rates for women. In 1980, 1 percent of arrests for DV were for women; by 2004, the number was 20 percent (and it’s probably still climbing). Source (PDF).
You are correct in your statement that the existing system is ineffective at preventing or addressing domestic violence. One indicator of this is the effect of mandatory arrest laws. According to the following studies (one of which is a government study), mandatory arrest actually led to an increase in retaliatory homicides. Legislators had been noting that, mostly in the 1980s, arrests for domestic violence corresponded to a lower reoccurrence of subsequent violence. So, stupidly, they assumed that they would enact laws that made it mandatory that police must arrest when an allegation has been made, or when probable cause exists. They assumed that the success of optional arrest would be carried over if they implemented mandatory arrest. It turns out that they ended up indirectly killing members of certain demographic groups, which were affected by their misguided policy. Here are the studies:
“Exposure Reduction or Backlash? The Effects of Domestic Violence Resources on Intimate Partner Homicide”
Authors: Laura Dugan ; Daniel Nagin ; Richard Rosenfeld
Study sponsored by the US Dept of Justice, National Institute of Justice
http://www.ncjrs.gov/app/Publications/Abstract.aspx?ID=186194
“Does the Certainty of Arrest Reduce Domestic Violence? Evidence from Mandatory and Recommended Arrest laws”
Author: Radha Iyengar
National Bureau of Economic Research
http://www.nber.org/papers/w13186
As you can see, there is plenty to reform in existing polices. There is also plenty of abuse heretofore unacknowledged, namely the seriousness of domestic violence against men. Perhaps a more open attitude about this in our culture would lead to more willingness of men to report abuse they suffer by women. I personally believe that the tendency is for men to endure being hit, slapped, punched and kicked for a time, thinking that it is shameful to retaliate. Then he reaches a certain point and says, “Fuck this!” and retaliates disproportionately, causing significant injury. He then is labeled as a batterer, and must take a batterer’s program (a “$400 program” as you referred to it) which labels him as an abuser, who is supposed to accept the idea that he caused any violence that his partner committed against him. It’s not the cost of the program that is the problem; in such programs, the true problem is the complete displacement of blame and responsibility from abusive women onto men. I know; I was required to take such a program, and it was pure hell.
July 12, 2008 at 5:52 pm
meni
Wow. That is some amazing faked research coming from someone who can be found, after a quick Google search, to be complaining that the American justice system is unfair to men because it does not view wives as property of their husbands. Take a look at any of this “ample research,” and look at its source. Interestingly, the researchers themselves do not have the same conclusion as those who are trying to use the research to show that women are more frequently abusers.
It’s also fascinating that all those murderous stalkers that this blogger mentioned, only killed because they were sick of getting abused by….the women they were stalking. You really do have to be desperate to justify abuse against women to manage to believe that one.